"Maybe I rub my face as though I have been asleep. But I have not been asleep. I have been, as I say, inside the cloud, or, perhaps, the lily floating on the water. Then I go back to town, to my own house, my own life, which has now become brighter and simpler, somewhere I have never been before." - Mary Oliver
Me with my host family in Dhaka, right before a teary goodbye.
So we've landed back in our own beds, on our old streets, returned to the care of friends and family left for a little while ...
The silence is the most unexpected, noticeable, difference. Coming home from LAX on the 405, I found myself thinking the freeway seemed empty and calm. Never thought I'd see LA like that, but compared to the crush of Dhaka, it is. Then arriving at my doorstep on a sunny Southern California afternoon, and being so struck by the quiet.
Kevin and I both woke up this morning thinking the same thing: Where's the noise? No crows cawing, no call to prayer, no heavy equipment, no generators humming, no construction workers singing outside my bathroom window, no household help making us cha.
And no team. Which is, I admit, a little tough today. Each member of my little-while family is tucked back into their rooms; we're all finding our way back into our lives, which, inshalla, will become brighter and simpler. It might take a while to unpack such an extraordinary, crazy, intense, beautiful experience ... at least for me (and I can only speak for myself :).
My greatest hope is that I integrate and absorb this experience so that it makes my life bigger in a way I can share. I pray that it doesn't become the kind of gift that stays wrapped up and tucked on a closet shelf, taken out only on special occasions.
And it is, truly, a gift. No money could purchase a trip like this. Because this trip had little to do with currency, and everything to do with connection.
As I looked out over immigration at the Dhaka airport, having just passed through the threshold of a nation, all I could wonder was whether there was a way I could have been more open, more present, more involved in this experience. There was a time, especially in the beginning, when it all felt too overwhelming to absorb. Absorption was the last thing I wanted, in the chaos and dust of Dhaka ... but that changed. Standing in the airport, I saw something else: our coordinator Waseque Ali, waving us goodbye. I know it's important to all the team to mention this. Waseque bhai, as we call him (bhai is Bangla for brother), was the first face we saw when we arrived - waving to us from the other side of the arrivals gate. And he was the last face we saw when we left, waving to us from the other side of departures. I know I wasn't the only one who got a little choked up. As we famously quoted the entire trip, Waseque told us that first night, "When you are in the hands of Waseque, everything is okay." And you know what? It was true. Down to the last moment, when he paid airport staff to cocoon two pieces of my luggage together in plastic wrap so I wouldn't have to pay $150 to check an extra piece.
We were extraordinarily well cared for. I, for one, feel like I have a kind of family back in Bangladesh. And for an only child from a single-parent So. Cal family, I don't use that word lightly. We just don't have the same family set up here (have I mentioned how quiet it is at my house?) ... that's just one of the many things I'm inspired by.
Here's something else: On our way to the airport, my teammates Kevin and Jim both seriously questioned whether the city had been cleaned up since our arrival. (A little midnight trash pickup for the South Asian Games perhaps?) The hood seemed nicer somehow, to all of us. I laughed. Of course the streets hadn't been cleansed - our vision had. Our focus had shifted from seeing the trash on the streets to seeing the treasures, namely the family and friends we'd acquired in both the shortest and longest 30 days of my life.
As Proust said, "The journey of discovery lies not in seeing new landscapes, but in having new eyes." Well, Amen to that. Here's to new vision that lasts, and a journey of discovery that never ends. I'm grateful to know that the journey is the destination. And to my fellow travelers, you all know what gifts you gave me, and what you left in country. You are extraordinary, each of you, and I am proud to have been part of such a team. I salute you.
all my love,
andrea.
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